You do a great job of highlighting the negative connotations of both words. “Accuser” does sound vindictive. I once wrote on Medium describing the conversation I had with my abuser’s wife. And even though I described her in a compassionate way, a mutual friend saw the piece and told me it was “vindictive,” I’m guessing because I referred to myself as the “accuser.” (Won’t be doing that again.)

And indeed, “alleged” always comes off as “not really.” The alleged assault, the alleged abuse… it all smacks of an attitude that it probably didn’t happen but oh we have to humor the person in the interest of fair journalism. You have great suggestions for rewriting to communicate only the facts. Language indeed has immense power — I hope more journalists and bloggers writing about these topics keep that in mind!