What made me a nice girl is I thought I was a catch because of those things. I can recall multiple instances of, “this person only just doesn’t want to date/hangout/whatever me because they only like dumb, girly women”.

This. I used to be really bad about shitting on other women and being the guys’ girl who regularly slut-shamed and mocked other women. I was never an outright mean girl, but something more insidious…believing that I was better than the others and entitled to boys’ attention because I was, but they were too hung up on “dumb, girly women.” It was a toxic attitude and I’m glad I grew up! Much happier now as an adult (and an actual feminist, not a fake one brimming with internalized misogyny) in a long-time relationship with a wonderful man (also a feminist who eschews toxic masculinity but is still plenty masculine, wink wink).

That said, I’m amused, but not surprised, by other responses saying you’re comparing apples and oranges. Like a Nice Guy, when I was a Nice Girl, I believed that my devotion and kindness and not-sluttiness would earn me points with boys. It didn’t, so I described myself as “friendzoned.” And while you, Tracy, may have focused on the #AskWomen thread, I’ve asked my partner and my male friends about this quite a bit, and those same Nice Girls are the ones who tend to be creepy and abusive at times. I’d like to think I was never creepy, but I was. Sound article, great writeup of how toxic masculinity and femininity affect our lives and relationships. I hope everyone can break free of toxicity.

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Writer by day, circus artist by night. I write about art, media, culture, health, science, and where they all meet. Join my list: http://eepurl.com/gD53QP

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