“Why do you always want to make love?” asked Harrison.
I was a bit stunned by the question. Because I was attracted to him? Because I was eager to express the deep affection I felt for him?
I didn’t know what to say, so I said something awful:
“It’s the only time I feel beautiful.”
Harrison nodded in agreement. “That’s what I thought,” he said.
Years later, this interaction still bothers me. Not only because I lied but because Harrison made out my desires to be narcissistic. I felt that I couldn’t have body confidence without having sexual self-esteem — and vice versa. Therefore, I was bound to reduce my body’s value to what I thought of it.
Non-Animal Desires
I am demisexual, which means that my attraction to others is entirely based on my intellectual and emotional connection to them. This had some odd effects growing up. I frequently crushed on people I thought were talented, yet I couldn’t imagine having sex with them. When girls my age talked about the year’s heartthrob of choice, I simply couldn’t empathize with their desires.
On the flip side, I had zero interest in one-night stands or casual sex. And unfortunately, that meant that I formed sexual bonds based on my emotional connection with people…
