Having trouble making sense out of the weird cartoons and memes your uncle shares on Facebook? Regretting adding your high school teacher because you can’t understand any of her posts? Fear not. Here’s a handy guide to the major themes in boomer humor.
Marriage is Awful
It’s common among boomers to loathe their spouse. Therefore, you’ll see lots of cartoons and memes that portray marriage as an inescapable, torturous arrangement in which they’re forced to have sex with an ugly person and frequently fantasize about simply killing them. Boomers rarely practice divorce, and when they do, they simply find someone else to marry and become miserable all over again.
Younger Generations Ruin Their Bodies
Boomers are exempt from this rule, but any body modification is simply disgusting and stupid, they say. They’re quick to point out how much your tattoo will change as you age, and as a bonus, they usually draw those liberal Democrats as ultra-tattooed and pierced, because apparently being progressive means you spend a lot of time in a tattoo parlor.
Today’s Society is Full of Freaks and SJWs
Apparently, feminists and trans people are in the same vein as circus freaks, SJWs simply can’t function in the “real world,” and people are becoming lizards. (See also above theme.) But what this really comes down to is that boomers don’t like being blamed when the recession was clearly not their fault, and it’s definitely not fair that racist jokes are no longer socially acceptable! I mean, what are boomers supposed to laugh at, hm?!
Today’s Youth are Stupid and Entitled
Despite the fact that algebra and trigonometry are now taught at younger ages, boomers are convinced that school curricula are simply full of personal preferences, since obviously that’s what our genders are now. And apparently, we millennials and Gen Z are simply too stupid to have a good career, so we have to rely upon our attitude of entitlement toward jobs, money, basic living expenses… even though we have no life skills to speak of.
Phones are Everywhere and Evil
Yes, ultra-convenient devices that allow you to stay connected to friends and family, catch up on news and stocks, and manage your finances and life are so awful, they destroy classic tales and album covers! So by all means, keep wasting money on a landline no one calls you on.
Abuse of Women and Children is Funny
There are some examples I won’t share here, but basically, boomer humor highly suggests that boomers think that imprisoning, bullying, or otherwise torturing women and children is hilarious, and sexually assaulting/harassing women is totes okay because they’re all somehow both sluts and ugly.
Millennials Think Everything is Technological
I mean, technically steam engines are technological, but I digress… boomers are quick to joke about how young people are unable to navigate the “real world” due to their unhealthy obsession with technology. And apparently, millennials are anyone younger than a boomer — never mind that the generation started in 1983 and concluded in the mid-1990s. Anyone, even today’s teenagers or people only a few years younger than boomers, is a millennial.
Minions are Not Only Hilarious, They’re Relevant to Everyone
… Sorry, I can’t explain this one. I have no idea how minor characters from a kids’ movie became such a thing, let alone how they became the unofficial symbol of Karens everywhere.
Want to create your own work of horror? Follow these simple steps, courtesy of Robbie Bourne:
How to Make Cartoons for Baby Boomers
- Step 1: Start with a weak punchline
- Step 2: Work backwards through the setup (Note: it doesn’t matter how contrived the scenario is so long as it sets up your pun or rape joke.)
- Step 3: LABEL EVERYTHING. You know what they say in art: Tell, don’t show.
- Step 4: Make sure you’ve drawn every single nose as large and weird as you possibly can. Don’t be afraid to depart from the realistic.
- Step 5: Have you left room in your premise to imply you’d like a blowjob? (From a teenager, not your fat old wife you pervert.)
- Step 6: Stand back, admire your work and patiently wait for all the triggered wives, SJWs and other libtard snowflakes to fill your rain barrels with their tears.
And don’t forget, boomers will always assume you’re triggered or offended if you offer critique of their terrible jokes or point out that blackface really isn’t cool anymore. It’s okay to be offended by the sheer clumsiness and poor execution of their “humor,” by the way. All the same, best to just shake your head and pass that minion meme by. And maybe click that “Hide posts from Aunt Susan” button.
More humor by Rachel Wayne:
I Envy You, Cat
Look at you, with your poofy fur tempting my hand, your adorable round eyes judging me. You’ve been sleeping the whole…